What we model to the next generation matters

Over these past few weeks I have been musing here on a series of character traits that I believe are important that we model to the next generation. This all started from this marvelous quote from Carol B Hillman, a professor of childhood education:

One of the most important things we can do for young children is to model the kind of person we would like them to be.”

I guess that this has been close to my heart these past months as I have been learning how to be alongside one of my Nearest-and-Dearest going through major school exams. Her anxiety and time constraints, the pressure of the brutal workload, stress about the exams themselves let alone the outcome – all of this has served to dramatically increase the tension in the house to pressure cooker levels at times. And we are at a life stage when the same is true for many houses of friends and peers. There is a shared sense of being in it together as we seek to support and help them navigate through the assessments, studying, time management and exams themselves.

And of course what tends to happen in tense environments with people who know each other well and have to live together is that our little quirks and foibles become much more apparent. Irritations and narkiness fueled by anxiety and tension can easily escalate to full blown wars of words (or slamming doors, strops, sullen sulks, things thrown…depending on the outworking of anger for the individual young person in question!).

When we are in the heat of the moment, and are ourselves feeling stressed and irritated, we can often and easily show our worst. How much more important then to model to them the kinds of characteristics that we talk about being important.

If we can show when under pressure that we live out the positive ideals we talk, that is a powerful witness indeed.

To model

• kindness
• empathy
• not giving up
• practicing
• gratitude
• perseverance
• resilience
• finding another way through
• knowing our worth is internal not external
• being quick to say sorry

Of course, none of us is perfect. We all get it wrong daily, but the beauty in this is that every time we get it wrong we have a chance to practice being quick to say sorry!

As you read that list, what stands out to you most?

Who do you know who exemplifies that characteristic, and what is it about that person that you most admire?

I have talked here a lot about the importance of knowing and living according to our values. There is a whole series that starts here if you would like to read more.

This list is not exhaustive, there may be loads of other characteristics that you would add that are especially noteworthy for you. It simply serves as a starting point. And importantly, it can serve as a checklist for how we are choosing to live each day. A generic values list if you will, for us and for the next generation.

Imagine getting up each morning, and asking yourself –

How can I best model kindness today?…. Where do I need to show resilience in a situation I would otherwise give up? ….Who around me can I encourage and affirm for WHO they are not what they do?

Now I am not saying that we don’t live like this already. None of us set out this morning to be UN-kind or UN-empathetic. But the reality of life can sometimes crowd out our best intentions and we find ourselves giving up, or getting angry, or being judgmental. Maybe that is just me.

However, we can also choose to be more intentional about actively seeking out opportunities to be kind. To come alongside someone who needs encouragement to persevere. To show extra resilience with grace in a tough situation.

We live amazing lives and so many opportunities are afforded to us. This is about supercharging those lives and modelling to those young people in our lives a way to live that focuses on BEING as much as DOING.

I leave it with you as to how you model this to the next generation.